Missing Debbie today...

My heart is aching as my sister Debbie passed away around noon today. She was one of the most special people in the entire world. She will be missed more than anyone can imagine.

Debra Kay Cozzens was born March 13, 1958. She was born with cerebral palsy, a very severe case. She wasn't diagnosed until she was old enough where it was obvious she wasn't developing normally. Once it was realized how severe she was, the doctors told my parents to put her in a home. They said that she would live a very short life, probably never to see her teens. She never walked or talked, but had a personality that was bigger than life and believe me... she knew what she wanted and knew how to get it.

When I was born in 1973, Debbie was 15 years old. I was the youngest of 7 children and there was a huge gap between me and Jennifer, my closest sibling (9 years). As our family grew up, Debbie and I were home alone for most of the years. She sat and watched as I got ready for dances, went to school and had friends over. She would get so excited about the most simple things. I remember feeling so bad for her that she couldn't do the things that I could, but she seemed to have a very happy and full life.

My dad has always doted on Debbie. He suffered a rare illness the year I was born that left him in the University Hospital for months. My mom actually went through my entire pregnancy and gave birth to me with only a friend by her side. When dad came home from the hospital, Debbie and I became his reason to live. We all had a very special relationship. I think my dad was able to understand a little more what Debbie went through, as he was now trapped in his paralyzed body, unable to move and had a very hard time communicating to others. He and Debbie bonded more and more over the years. The last few years it seems my dad has lived to make Debbie happy. Every morning he would drive his wheelchair into her room with a ton of her boxes piled high on his desk. He would run into Debbie and they would all fall, she would laugh and laugh!

Debbie enjoyed her 51st birthday last spring. She was around 40 years older than what the doctors predicted. The reason, in my opinion? Love, pure love. She had the love of all of her family. She was treated just like one of us (actually much better... as she didn't ever have to do any work!). When she screamed and yelled and acted like a brat, we told her to "shut-up", which I'm sure outsiders thought was appalling, but that was just life. We gave her rides all of the time and she loved it more when the brother-in-laws pretended to almost wreck, or go really fast. She would giggle and shake her arm like crazy, looking toward the window. That meant she wanted a ride. She wasn't denied much. She loved balloons, a lot. We always sent her balloons on all occasions and would always bring her one when we visited. She had a ton of Mylar balloons that we would take to the store once in a while and have filled back up with helium. I still think the people at the store think we are insane, bringing in these old, random balloons to fill up!

Mom took the best care of Debbie, and has become the most Christlike person I have ever known. Taking care of Debbie was similar to caring for an infant. She would change her diapers all day, bathe her, get up sometimes 3 times a night (when Debbie cried) to turn her or give her a drink. My mom had to grind up her food and spoon feed her, give her medicine and brush her teeth. This process every day took nearly an hour for each meal. She combed her hair beautiful each day. Mom never accepted any help from anyone to take care of dad or Debbie. She has always done it on her own and never complains (I didn't inherit that quality from her, unfortunately).

Debbie loved her entire family, but I think she and I had a wonderful bond. Mostly I think it is because when I was home growing up, most everyone else was out of the house. It was pretty quiet and we got a lot of time to spend together. She knows lots of my secrets! After I got married and would move away, I would call to talk to mom every few days (and still do) Debbie always knew it was me on the other line (just from the tone of my mom's voice) and would scream and yell and giggle until my mom would let her talk to me. She would usually laugh so hard that she couldn't even hear what I was saying. The conversation usually went like this, "Hi Debbie. What are you doing? Are you being a good girl for mom today, or do you need a spanking (she loved violence of any kind, especially spankings)? Debbie, Nathan was bad today. He spilled his cereal all over the kitchen and we had to spank him (again with the violence, and sometimes lots of lying, making up things the kids have done while trying to make her laugh). Well, you be good for mom. Love you." Those were great conversations. I am trying to think of the last time I talked to her, I think on Friday or Saturday while walking in a store. People usually give me interesting looks when I talk the way I do! But, I loved every minute of it.

My sister Karen sent a message reminding me of the game I used to play with Debbie's socks. It started when I lived at home and we would be bored. Mom would either be out running errands or in the other room. I would pull off Debbie's socks and hide them somewhere. Mom would come in and get mad and try to find them. Debbie would just laugh her head off, because she would know where they were but couldn't tell. She would laugh harder when mom got closer, kind of like her version of "hot and cold." When I moved away from home, I would continue the tradition every time we visited. I would hide her sock right before leaving. Sometimes it would take mom days to find it. I didn't do it the last few years, as her feet were so crippled and sore and I was afraid of hurting them. But, that was a very fun game we played!

She also got away with a lot when I visited. My mom has the most beautiful old china cabinet and it is filled with precious antiques that should really never be touched. Debbie loves to "collect" things and acquire items of interest to her. She loves boxes, pitchers, cups, etc. She actually started looking like a bag lady at the end, with crazy piles of stuff in her room. When I would arrive for a visit she would always point to the china cabinet and laugh. I would give her beautiful antique vases and cups and then mom would get mad. She thought this was a wonderful game.

Going back to the fact that she loves violence, she loved it when people dropped things. She always would laugh and demand that people spank the culprit. She would watch intently when we did dishes and just wait for something to drop on the floor (which happened a LOT because it made her so happy). We always teased her for not helping us work. I was there for Thanksgiving a few weeks ago and we kept yelling at her for not even helping us cook and clean. She would just smile smugly.

She loved watching t.v. shows, although her taste changed through the years as she aged. She used to love the "A-Team", and other action-packed shows. She slowly moved into more mellow stuff that didn't scare her, like "Little House on the Prairie." She hated football, but would tolerate the Utah Jazz basketball team. My mom is obsessed with the Jazz and would usually feed her during the games. She may have thrown a fit a time or two, but maybe gave up after realizing mom would never turn the channel. Likewise, she hated news, but knew that dad would never change the channel when listening to Fox News.

The kids took the news hard today, they loved her more than anything else. Nathan and I had picked out a stuffed kitty for her for Christmas, one that meowed and moved when it sensed motion. We wrapped it up and put it under the tree for her. Every so often it meowed and we all blamed it on the kids, or whoever was closest to the box. She would laugh so hard. When Nathan found out today, he was very sad. He got this sad look and tears started rolling down his face. He said, "She will never get to see her kitty!"

Our kids are better people because of Debbie being a part of their lives, as all of are. She taught us invaluable lessons that will stay with us for a lifetime. They lived to spank Debbie, fight in front of her and make her laugh by doing anything they could think of. She taught them pure, Christlike love.

The world is a much sadder place today with out her sweet spirit. She will be missed more than I can even say in words. I loved her with all of my heart and I will miss her every day for the rest of my life. My only hope is that she is dancing and singing in heaven today. Today I have a testimony and believe in The Plan of Salvation. I am so grateful I will someday be able to be with her again and see her in her perfect body and let her say all of the things she has always wanted to say to me. I only hope she will never tell all of my secrets.

Exploring Indiana...

I will post something about the marching band, eventually, but to make a long story short... I ended up coming to Indianapolis to watch the band compete with only a few days’ notice. Rick was so sweet to use some company frequent flier miles in order to get me here. However, there were no flights out Sunday, when everyone else was flying out. So, I have had 2 days here by myself. After a very intense week completely immersed in marching band activities, it was a nice break to have a few days to myself.

On Sunday morning, my roommate (another band mom) left at 4 a.m. and drive to Chicago to catch her flight home. Rick rented a car for me so that I could go to church and drive around a little. The Indianapolis 3rd ward was so nice to me! I had a dozen people come and visit with me and one lady came over and got me during the opening song and said I shouldn't sit alone. I went over and sat by her and her mom. So sweet. The speaker told a story about Moab even, how ironic is that?

I hadn't ever been to Indiana (except for the airport, which I don't count) and I wanted to explore a little. So, after church I asked a few people where I could drive that would be pretty. I wanted to take a few fun pictures (I was getting so tired of taking pictures of marching band members!). They all told me Brown County was where I should go. After I got a great map, I headed out to explore the countryside. It was gorgeous! Here are a few pictures I took along the way...

I have a thing for a countryside with fields of corn, farms and old barns.

I took a little side road to find a covered bridge (I hadn't ever seen one before). This was an area I fell in love with and wanted to stay for a while!


I love running across old cemetaries.

One of the many covered bridges in the area.


I even got to drive across them.

And then, along the road I saw this antique shop. I'm a sucker for antique shops, especially when they have gorgeous old quilts hanging in front! I stopped and talked to the nicest man who ran the store out of his garage. I asked how much the blue and white Texas Star quilt was (hand stitched and in perfect condition)... $30! Sold.

His store was really cute. They really had great taste and a great eye to put things together.


Here are my purchases, the quilt and a $3 pair of old earrings I couldn't resist. (I didn't buy the gorgeous stool... I couldn't figure out how to get it on the airplane!)

Nashville is an old artist colony. It's very charming and has lots of little shops, Inns and charming places to eat. It is right outside of Brown County State Park, which has a gorgeous double covered bridge.







After dark, I headed back up to Indianapolis, taking my time until the Colts game started, so I wouldn't hit traffic.

There were a few times I had considered getting a scalped ticket (I figured I could get one single ticket fairly easily), but wasn't sure how I felt about going to an NFL game on a Sunday. I actually LOVE football lately, it's getting more and more fun to watch all the time. I also was hesitant because we had spent the past 48 hours in the Lucas Stadium for the Band of American competition. I didn't know if I wanted to have to park and spend all night in there again! :)

Even though I didn't have a team to cheer for, I thought I would go for the Colts since I was a guest in their town. The Colts ended up beating their HUGE rivals, the Patriots, in the last 4 minutes of the game. It probably will go down in history as one of the greatest rivalry games ever played. I can't believe I didn't go, but it was fun to be outside of the stadium and see the city all lit up in blue horseshoes. I went back to my hotel and watched the exciting game on t.v.

Every time we were downtown the past few nights, I didn't have my camera. I was happy to drive around and take a few photos at night, while everyone else in Indy was at the game!


Indiana is a gorgeous state and Indianapolis is a great city, especially at night. It isn't intimidating at all and the people are just so friendly. I have had a great trip. It was so nice to be here to watch Andrew perform in that stadium and was happy to be here for their last performance of this incredible year. Now I need to check out of my hotel room and head to the airport. I can't wait to see Rick & the kids tonight!

The underestimated popularity of The Pioneer Woman...

For my birthday this year my best friends Tracey and Stephanie gave me The Pioneer Woman's new cookbook! They actually pre-ordered it so that I received it in the mail the day it was released! They know how much I love her, which was so sweet of them. It's a great cookbook and I've already tried out a bunch of the recipes.

Part of the gift included Tracey taking me to the book signing in Salt Lake.(Stephanie lives in California and isn't a good enough friend to fly out for such an event.) Well, Tracey and I were busy yesterday with our crazy lives and we got off a little later than planned. Ree was going to be signing at the King's English book store in Sugarhouse. She was planning on starting at 7:00 p.m. Now, I've been to book signings, even when it is a very popular author. I know how they usually work. Well, we totally underestimated the popularity of The Pioneer Woman! We weren't able to get there until 7:20 p.m., and this is what we saw...

HUNDREDS of people all around the bookstore and down the block. Ooops. We really messed up. So, we went and asked two cute girls for the story. They said that people started lining up at 3:00 p.m. and by about 6:00 p.m. they had handed out 500 letters (groups of 20 for each letter) and they were long gone. When your letter group was called, it was your turn to enter the store. Our friends had the letter "H" and were waiting for their turn. We took a couple of pictures (really bad ones, sadly... why we look so dang happy is beyond me) and figured we might as well go and drown our sorrows in some molten chocolate cake and creme brulee across the street at our very favorite restaurant, The Paris.

The restaurant was full of women that were waiting for their turn to meet Ree. As we visited with some of the ladies, we got an idea. We asked if you were only allowed to have one book signed with your letter card. They said you could only have one person enter with that card, but could have more than one book signed. After we finished our dessert, we went outside to find our new "best friends" in line. We didn't see them anywhere, then we found out the "H" group was already inside! I lied my way into the store, telling the girl at the door that my friend Kirsten was in there with the letter "H" and she needed this book. I told her that I just needed to hand it to her and I promised to come right back out. With a lot of debating, she finally agreed and I went through the line yelling her name. When I finally found her, I shoved the book (that had my address and $10 in case she needed to ship it back to me) into her hands and said, "Here is the book you needed!" And then I walked out!

We decided to wait for them to come out and they were so darling when they did. She was laughing and thought we were pretty funny. So, I got my book signed but never got to lay eyes on PW. It was a blast though, even getting out of the house!

UPDATE... Kirsten just graciously sent me some photos of PW so that I could be jealous of them. Just kidding, I actually asked her to send them. I planned on Photo-shopping myself & Tracey in the photos. But, now that the story is already out that we DID NOT meet Ree, I will just post this cute picture of our new friends while they were getting my book signed! Thanks girls!

Ameircan Fork Marching Band pays tribute...

It all started as a very routine Saturday. The American Fork Marching Band left that morning to Pocatello, Idaho to compete in a band competition. A trip that they have made many times before. They performed, swept in all areas, ate dinner and started on their way home. We had a crazy day here at home with two big football games for the boys, football pictures, a temple trip and a dance for Janessa. At about 7:30 p.m. my phone rang. It was Andrew. My heart actually sunk when I saw it was him. I'm always worried about my kids when they are away. Andrew doesn't normally call to "chat" or tell me how he's done in a competition. I have to call him. When I answered I even said, "What's wrong bud? Everything OK?" He said, "Mom, there has been an accident. I am OK. The bus in front of us has rolled on the freeway. But, I just want you to know that our bus is OK. I'm OK." He went on to say that he could see people getting out of the bus and that he thought they were all alright. He said that he would call me with further information in about 15 minutes.

I called Rick and let him know what was going on. At that point I wasn't too worried because Andrew sounded so calm. Rick was nervous and did a search for him on the internet (we have a family locator on our phones for just this type of situation). He saw his location, somewhere in Idaho on I-15. He searched the internet for any news or information. He called KSL to see if they knew anything. They said they had received many calls in the last few minutes and wanted to send reporters there, but they had no idea where the accident was. Rick said, "I know where they are." He explained the GPS locator and told them the location of the accident. They asked if they could call Andrew if they needed and Rick didn't think much of it and gave them his cell number.

We continued to check on things, mostly by texting Andrew and talking to the couple of moms I know. We kept comparing information and trying desperately to find out details and to figure out if we needed to head that direction. We honestly thought everyone on that bus was OK, we kept hearing things like maybe broken bones, girls upset, etc. But then the news came. My friend Marianne called me and told me, just as Rick saw it on the internet and was calling on the other line. One confirmed fatality. My heart sank and I couldn't catch my breath. In that one second it turned into a tragedy, a horrible realization that this was a really bad accident. A few minutes later we learned that it was a teacher. Heather Christensen, the woodwind instructor. A beautiful young teacher had been killed in the accident.

I had Rick come and get me (I had been at a friend's house). We went home and just paced and paced, waiting to hear more. To make matters worse, Nathan started vomiting about that time and we had to deal with that on top of everything else. The night was stressful and unsettling. We watched the internet for as much news as we could get. They told us not to come to Idaho, that they would get the kids out of there as soon as possible.

We turned on the KSL news at 10 p.m. to get an update and we hoped that a reporter was there by then to give us more details. To our surprise, the breaking news report began with photos of the accident by 'Andrew James'. He has always wanted to be a photographer, now he was able to have his photos on the news (granted they were from his cell phone looking out a bus window, so not his best work). Then the newscaster said that he was able to contact one of the students and interview him. I stopped breathing as I realized it was Andrew. I just kept thinking, "Please, don't say anything stupid..." Not that he would, but you never know about a 16 year old being interviewed on the news, anything could happen. He was wonderful though and talked about how they had prayed the minute they realized what had happened. He gave a very accurate report of what was happening and his observations. (Later on, Rick's dad asked, "How in the world did they get him to slow down his speech? He is always talking so fast nobody can understand a word he says!”) His interview was also broadcast as 'breaking news' on KSL radio during the BYU game. He had reported that when they heard that Heather had been killed, they all started singing hymns. His words and reports comforted me, as a parent, that the rest of the band was OK and it warmed my heart that they were in tune with the spirit during this tragic event.

They sat on their buses for about 2 hours and then got onto a UTA bus that transported them to Brigham City where they caught another bus home to American Fork. I went over to the school about 1:00 a.m. to wait for him. There were many, many people there showing their love and support for the band. I would have to guess at least 1,000. It was really amazing to see that kind of concern. Once we got Andrew home, I felt like I could breath again. I don’t know if I have ever been that excited to see a teenager! We talked a lot about the experience. He said the sweetest thing, "I feel so bad for all the girls on that bus. It was mostly flutes and clarinets and I'm sure they were very shaken up and scared. I just keep thinking that I wish it had been our bus instead of theirs (his was the percussion/drumline bus with mostly boys)." Andrew showed some wonderful compassion and character that night that I will never forget.

After we got Andrew to sleep, I called the doctor about Nathan. He had vomited every 20 minutes the entire night. He couldn't keep anything down. She suggested I take him in the Emergency Room, which I did. We were there for a few hours and I had time to just sit next to his bed, while he slept, and think. I thought a lot about Heather. We had learned later in the night that she had jumped up to grab the wheel of the bus when the driver blacked-out. Andrew had said that just a few feet away was a ditch/covert that if the bus would have hit would have been fatal for many in the bus. I thought about how if she hadn't made that courageous move, maybe the bus wouldn't have gone off into the sagebrush, but would've wrecked on I-15, causing many other accidents. Including the bus behind them that carried my son. I thought about how, because she was standing up when the bus rolled, she was thrown from the window and killed. She gave her life for those kids, students that she loved. She didn't have to be on that bus that night. Most of the other leaders drove on their own. She didn't want to leave her students. I thought about what a hero she was and how much I appreciated her. I thought about the family she left behind and how they must be grieving. My tears finally came and I couldn't make them stop. The nurses were really concerned for me as they kept getting glances through the curtains. Finally they came and told me that Nathan would be OK. I told them the situation and that I had just had a bad night. They were sweet to sit and talk to me and let me cry.

I got home at 6:30 a.m. Andrew (who had a very bad cough all night), Nathan and I stayed home from church and slept most of the day. It was a nice, peaceful day for healing. Andrew went to the high school at 6:30 p.m. for a meeting with the band. John Miller (the most amazing band director in the world) and Heather's parents talked to the kids. They told them how much Heather loved them. They told them that everyone that was on the bus is going to be OK. There were a few injuries, but that the last few were released that day, and one more would be released Monday. They had considered not performing at the BYU competition, but realized that Heather would be so mad at them, she would want them to compete. It was a nice healing moment for the kids. Then they had a memorial service with the school and community, with a candlelight vigil that followed. They made plans to dedicate the show to Heather. They also had dog tags for their show, one with their name and one with a relative’s name that had served in the military who they wanted to dedicate their show to. They decided to add Heather’s dog tag to their chains for the rest of the season.

We got to go to their performance at BYU last night. It was better than amazing. It sent chills down my spine. It comforted everyone who was there. Every single band member (of bands all over Utah) wore a red or black ribbon (their school colors). Many schools in Utah had dressed up in red, black and white that day to pay respect to American Fork. The performances were great and there was a wonderful spirit there. I was so excited to see American Fork get there and warm-up. I just couldn't wait to see them play. When they took the stage, it was magical. Everything was perfect and they played and marched better than I have ever seen. Their show honors war heroes from the past. It has WWII music with beautiful photos behind the band. At the end of the performance, the color guard (who had been dressed as Rosie the Riveter) changed into all white costumes and went out into the field with the band. They were equally spaced while the band members slowly went behind them. The pictures turned to reveal old photos of war heroes, mostly relatives of the band members. The last picture was of their fallen teacher, their hero, Heather Christensen. Then, they slowly put their arms out, as to create white crosses, or graves of the fallen soldiers. It was really moving. Then, they added an ending that left no dry eye in the audience. One color guard girl in the middle of the field had a white scarf. She danced over to Heather's picture and placed the scarf and a rose at the base. After the applause, they asked for a moment of silence to remember her. It was really one of those moments you never want to forget.

The BYU Marching Band performed after American Fork. After their performance, they paid tribute to AF and to Heather by playing "Amazing Grace." It was beautiful and very moving. They held up banners that said "Hope" and "Peace" and brought out a lovely arrangement of flowers for the band.

American Fork swept the awards, getting first place. Afterwards, family, friends and other bands joined AF in the parking lot for a fun tradition. They always play their piece, one more time (without marching), before they load up to go. They also sing a song about friends. It was a very healing night for all of those kids, their leaders and I'm sure the family of Heather. It was a wonderful tribute to her and the life that she gave for her students. It couldn't have been said better than a scripture from John 15, along her picture on the field, "Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends."

(I'm sorry, but I have run out of time. For now, the pictures will just be located below. I will try and put them in order later.)

Visiting the ZOO babies...

Look what we got when we entered the zoo! A pink chocolate elephant to celebrate the new arrival of the zoo's baby elephant.

We had planned on going to the zoo anyway on the boys' day off school, but this was icing on the cake!

There was a ton of press taking lots of pictures of "baby" elephant. I was very jealous of their cameras!

A close-up of the chocolate elephant. I was just so impressed. We tried to save one for Janessa, but it was just a melted pink blob by the time we got home.

Nathan didn't waste any time eating his elephant!

The baby elephant was a little quiet and sleepy when we arrived first thing in the morning. We thought it would be a "zoo" when we arrived, but there weren't many people there other than the press.

We ran over to the Asian Highlands to see the action over there. I think this leopard wanted to eat the boys!

The new baby snow leopard snuggling with his mom. I think this is the same position they were in when we visited last month. Lazy leopards!

The mother giraffe was trying to eat the "Do not feed animals" sign!

She was trying to get the boys to feed her something good!

The baby giraffe (that we happened to see the day she was born last month) was really playful and cute!

These were the three new baby tigers... not very active!

We ventured back to say goodbye to the baby. She was much more active and playful. KSL News interviewed the boys about visiting her. The boys got to vote on her new name. Such a fun day!